I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
