Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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