SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
