I feel great
I just peed on a car
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
