My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
