I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Someone signed my nipple.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
