youre lurking in front of me
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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