Who wears a wallet chain?!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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