you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
