you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
