dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
