....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
love makes seman taste better
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
