I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
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I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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