you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
