Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
