I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
