just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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