Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
