can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
