He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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