You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
