Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
