new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
