theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
false alarm. still invincible.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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