The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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