i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
