you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
