if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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