Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
