But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
