totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
