I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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