in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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