that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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