How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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