he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
