I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
