just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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