You're so nebulous sometimes
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
