are you still at the devil's house?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
