It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
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Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
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Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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