On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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