Will you blow on my dice?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
