I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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