I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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