if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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