Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
