I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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