I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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