It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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