Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
