I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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