this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
