I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
