this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
