My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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