I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
