6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
