Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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