I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
