Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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