I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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