the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
