My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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