Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
