is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
