And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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