Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
