I want to make a zoo with you.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm too high and old for this...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
