If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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