Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
