I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
