So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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