What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This is the high leading the old right now
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Randomize
