morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize