____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I want a musical about memes.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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